Welcome, Hanuman
July 8, 2011 at 2:14 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
Photo Cred: http://devotionalonly.com/category/lord-hanuman
A few weeks ago, one of my beloved teachers, Mandy Eubanks, devoted her entire class to Hanuman. She spoke of his unconditional devotion to his beloved. She spoke of his ability to think before reacting, even in times of stress or anger. Most of all, she spoke of his ability to always be a good friend to those in need. Tears abundantly rolled down my face as she spoke, the extra salty tears of regret, pain, and complete understanding of my flaws. All of these traits are qualities that I strive for. Some, I am still working on. Okay okay, they’re all still a work in progress!
In my practice, (because, in my life), I have been working a lot with finding the tranquility and peace in stillness. For me, being static is almost like a death sentence. You smile, because its true. I don’t sit down. I don’t slow down. And I sure as hell don’t bend forward for long periods of time!
I squirm around the idea of bending forward for long periods of time because it hurts. It hurts like no other and I constantly want to move out of any stretch in my legs. My legs are where I carry all of my stress- from my desire to be loved, to my insecurities. I store my fears in my legs, as well as all of my issues surrounding home, grounding, and the like. If you’ve ever seen me, it’s not hard to see that my legs are tight. No really, they’re tight, and they’re thick. All of these great blessings (a.k.a. obstacles) are tightly wound within all parts of my legs, not just in my hamstrings, but in my hips, my hip-flexors, my IT band, and in all the places that I don’t even know the names of. Opening up into Hanumanasana wasn’t merely a matter of opening up my hamstrings, but opening up each of the tiny crevices in my legs where all of the aforementioned lay and hide, not wanting to be brought to the surface, not wanting to be acknowledged and dealt with, content with the perpetual cycle of tightening.
Learning to sit in stillness with all of these emotions that arise and threaten to destroy me has brought me to a deeper understanding of my actual strength. In times of holding a forward bend I have actually had the thought “If you stay here, you will DIE. You don’t know what will come of this. You must get out oft this pose NOW!“ arise in my head. It’s not always having the ability to move faster or train harder that proves one’s level of strength. It’s the ability to greet oneself with unconditional love. It’s the ability to greet others with unconditional love and devotion. It’s the ability to sit through the pain that others may have caused and think before reacting. It’s the ability to embrace Hanuman and embody his greatness in times of strife that make someone a strong person.
Five years ago, I could barely touch my knees in a forward bend. Never mind not overreacting to pain or accepting myself for the imperfect beauty that I am. Five years ago, Hanuman’s grace didn’t exist to or within me. I had very little strength to stay in a pose or in a tough situation and often squirmed my way out of the tight spots. The journey to embody his love, devotion, and power has brought me greater joy than any asana ever could. Cheers to you, Hanuman! For it really doesn’t matter that I can finally do a split. What matters is that I have the power to find tranquility in tragedy, the grace to think before I (over)react, and the devotion to sit still in times of strife.
Namaste.
Further understanding of the underlying components of my thoughts:
Chakras (Why my legs hold all of these nasty things)
Humble Pie
March 9, 2011 at 1:01 am | Posted in Rock Climbing | Leave a comment
Two things to admit- yes, I’m officially “gleeked out”… or a “gleek”… or something like that. I just recently fell into the show and although I don’t have Fox, I still try to watch it whenever I remember.
In one of the latest episodes I saw Rachel (I think her character’s name is) tells her gay friend that she is going to turn his crush straight and bets him. She looks him square in the face and tells him that when the said crush and she still have chemistry after they kiss she will take him out to
“…the bakery of your choice for a big ol’ piece of humble pie.”
At the rock gym yesterday, that’s the exact sentence that was running through my head. Its okay to eat that humble pie, and man did I! I love climbing, and am so glad that there are people in my life who have allowed me to get into it in the way that I have, but I am no where near where I’d like to be. Outdoors with people that you know is one thing, in the gym with a bunch of strangers who could kick my ass from here to Timbuktu with their pinky finger is another. ”Humble pie, Kassandra. Humble Pie.” Although, we had a fantastic time at the gym. I can’t wait to go back!
…..
Another “Humble pie” story:
For over the past month now, just about every weekend I’ve gone climbing outdoors. The first day I went, I wasn’t expecting to climb anything (it had been a few years since I had even been to the rock gym and I didn’t own any gear or shoes or anything), but because people loaned me gear and because one of them was such a smart alec and pushed me, I lead a wall clean. The next time, same thing, only a harder wall. How fantastic! The first time I went out I even got up on a ledge, turned around, and (semi) jumped off…. outside. For me, that’s crazy-talk. My fear of heights had always kept me back from wanting to get really into climbing. Everything is so expensive, I couldn’t fathom paying so much when I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to be okay with trying to come down from really high places. Thank goodness for good people and tough love.
This past weekend was the first time outdoors that I freaked. We went to Enchanted Rock for the weekend with some more people that I didn’t know. Only this time, it was also a TON of hiking and I felt like such a dumb newbie. To their credit, they did everything possible to be sweet to me, but slipping down really steep hills, being the first to get pricked by cacti, and not being able to keep up with them on the hike made me feel like a complete loser.
I did my first climb and it was awesome… until I got to the top and realized that a. I was scared shitless to move an inch because the rock looked like it totally dropped off right beside me; and b. I was going to have to somehow jump over this small steep canyon like thing to get to the place where I could then repel down. No just repelling down from where I was… oh no. I kept my composure as much as possible throughout the day, but eventually, girl lost her shit. No really- lost my shit. We had just done a really really steep hike up to this place that again, scared the crap out of me because the edge looked like it just dropped off. But on top of that, they wanted me to jump off the edge of the cliff and then repel down because there was an overhang above the wall… FFFFFUUUUUUHHHHHHK NO!
*CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP* Now *THAT*’s a piece of humble pie.
“Low days exist to remind you that you still have choices.
High days, Kassandra, exist to remind you of how fast you rebound… among other things.
Boing,
The UniverseP.S. High days, Kassandra, also remind you that no matter where you’ve been, I can still reach you.”
And it did… the next day the Universe reached me… but it didn’t have to go as far as it usually does because I was 100ft higher than I usually am. I conquered a really long, pretty intense climb on the 2nd day and finished eating the last of the piece of humble pie from the day before. Looking out above everything, I felt like I could conquer anything as long as I just kept going. The hardest thing about that climb was not giving up. A couple of times I told myself that I didn’t care if I finished it, even though I knew I did… but I didn’t think that I could and I didn’t want to see myself fail. But I pulled though and finished it. (:
(There are pictures floating around some med student’s camera somewhere. If I can get my hands on one, I’ll put it up.)
…and all the while, my yoga was right there with me. It supported me when I had to manipulate my body and trust that I could stand on just the toes of one foot. It supported me when I had to get my legs or arms up higher or in a different direction to reach something to hold onto or pull up with. But mostly, it supported my inner sheaths and helped keep my breathing, mind, and soul steady while climbing. It allowed me to eat that humble pie gracefully and now blow up, shut down, or over-react. It was right there with me along the journey. Blessed.
Om Shanti.
Journaling through the Journey
February 26, 2011 at 6:37 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentFall came and went, the holidays came and went, I bought a house, I got an intern, I’m changing my life and my lifestyle, and all throughout it, one thing has remained… my yoga practice. What I haven’t been doing (publicly) is journaling through my journey. As my life has turned, I haven’t turned to my public yogic life, but held it in my hands like a tiny, fragile, injured animal that I really didn’t know what to do with.
I want to journal through my journey, and I think doing it here will be the best format. My blog is going to open up to any random musing that I find amusing, so if you’d like to unsubscribe, please feel free. My life has opened up to many more opportunities for fun and adventure than yoga, and I am so thankful.
Primal Instincts
February 9, 2011 at 5:11 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentMy whole life, I’ve been told to eat whole grains, stay away from saturated fat. Lately I’ve been embarking on a new way of thinking about eating and to be honest, I’m not so sure about it. I love the freedom that I’ve been feeling lately, its so energizing.
Last weekend was a weekend of transformation, little did I know that I’d be embarking upon such a transitional period. I stood up for myself with my (now former) beau, leaving him in the dust (where he belongs at this moment in time), I fixed my fence all by my damn self! So proud of myself for that! And, the most transformational of all, I went Rock Climbing. Words can’t express how enthralled I am at the idea that I stood on a cliff and looked down at the stranger who had my life in his hands. I wish there were pictures, but I’m kind of glad that there aren’t. It gives me a reason to go again! On my first time out, I lead a route on a wall. And while I didn’t mention anything to the people I was with, I was damn proud of myself.
The Primal lifestyle is all about doing what you love for exercise, and I’ve been having a ball doing whatever my heart feels like that day. I loved the exercise aspect of Rock Climbing. Sometimes I don’t want to leave my house (its freaken cold outside, of course I don’t want to leave my house!), and while my yoga practice allows me to not leave and still get a good workout, I often miss the challenge that a teacher can provide.
We’ll say that today is day one. February 8, 2011… Not waiting for a set day, not waiting for the beginning of the month, the beginning of the week, the beginning of anything.. Just going. Right here, right now. So far, its been harder to come out about my food choices than it was to come out of the closet. We’ll see how things go when my family comes into town for my birthday in a few weeks!
Today around 5:30 am I finished eating a Hatch Chile burger (from Whole Foods… yummy!) and rushed to meet some people I work with to catch a flight to visit some students. Alas, the flight was canceled and we ended up coming to work instead. So, armed with no good food (I left all of my snacks at home), I embark on this day of eating Primal.
Its 11:00am and I’m not even that hungry yet.
No idea of the amount I weigh, but maybe I’ll take some measurements later. Pictures to possibly be put up later.
Fiji
August 12, 2010 at 10:12 pm | Posted in TSBVI, YMCA, Yoga | Leave a comment
A couple of weeks ago I took my little sister on a “trip of a lifetime” to Fiji. We had been planning to go out of the country for a couple of years now and the time was finally here.
When we left for this trip my sister said “I’m going there to find myself” and I thought to myself “How silly. You’re going to travel to the other side of the world in order to find yourself? Good thing I already know who I am! I’m just going for fun!”
What a pompous arrogant thought. I went to Fiji sure of who I was, how I acted, reacted, and still proud of all of this “growth” I had recently been witnessed to in my normal/ Austin life….still on the high from all of the year’s accomplishments and new-found vacation freedom.
While in Fiji I found the hardest thing to do was sit, and sometimes (many times) that’s all there was TO do. Sometimes all I could do was sit with my emotions and take note of where (in my physical and subtle) body I was storing them. Fully aware that I was storing them and not just “letting them go”. When the sun had set, things had happened, the bar was closed, there were no tvs, no access to internet, and the dorm room- housing over 100 people- was dark and somber with sleeping people, no pen/paper available, all there is left to do is sit with your emotions.
It was strange how disconnected I felt from my life. The first and only time I had free internet, I indulged in a little facebook time only to be horrified at its contents. My yoga friends were still teaching..classes that I would’ve been at. My other friends were still doing their things and I observed my total disconnect from them and their lives as chronicled on their status updates. I didn’t want to be reminded that the real world existed, or that it was still going on at all. I immediately logged out.
The days that followed were mind-blowing. I learned so much about the Fijian culture, about the culture of backpacking and backpackers, about the cultures and lives of the other backpackers, and about myself. I learned about myself, in all actuality, through the eyes of my sister. The girl who had gone to Fiji to find herself had actually helped me find myself. And as growth rarely is, it wasn’t all easy. There were nights where we couldn’t stand each other and nights where we fought. I even found myself wishing the next week would be over asap and saddened by the thought that our trip had not only not strengthened our bond, but crumpled its last remains to dusty particles.
We are so different. Sometimes like salt and pepper, complimenting each other when together perfectly whole and complete apart… at other times, like vinegar and baking soda- reactive and explosive and able to set each other off in a way that no other person seems to be able to manage to do.
In the end, it seemed that we both backed off from our own usual agendas and merely accepted the other person for their attributes and most importantly- their flaws. We laughed more, fought waaaaaay less, and bonded in our own unique way.
What I learned most on this trip is that no matter how far I think I’ve come, there is still a long long way to go. Some days, I can be calm, cool, and collected… other days, or around other people, I am too in touch with the person who I was while growing up that I can only act like I am again that awkward 13-year-old, yearning for the acceptance of everyone/anyone in sight.
Watching each of these emotions in their raw form was at times gut wrenching, but mostly, awe-inspiring. To be THAT in touch with myself and my very being was difficult, but I am so thankful that I was afforded the opportunity to bear witness to myself. My goal is to have the strength to deny myself the indulgences that coat over such opportunities/experiences when shit hits the fan in the future. It’ll be interesting to see how this manifests now that I’m back in my “real”/ Austin life.
But oh am I so glad to be back…
Notices:
Class tonight is still on! ANDDDDD… because you couldn’t get enough, I will be teaching both Tuesday AND Thursday for the next 2 weeks at YMCA North Park.
However, this might be the last blog entry on this webpage. My domain is *almost* up and ready. My commitment to myself is to get it all set up very soon so I can share it all with you.
TSBVI- Let’s get the school year started and underway before we begin classes again.
Excited to see each of you so soon!
Namaste,
Kassy
Yoga as a healing property?
July 7, 2010 at 8:56 pm | Posted in Austin, Yoga | Leave a commentAbout a year and a half ago, I was taking a yoga class taught at TSB after work hours. The teacher, who is also my co-worker, said something as she was teaching that shocked me. She said “Yoga changed my life and transformed who I am today.” She had so much to thank this practice for. At that moment in time, yoga was my workout. It was the method in which I used to get more flexible and well, I couldn’t really put my finger on why I loved it so much. What I didn’t think it did was change people’s lives. “Its a workout for heavens’ sake,” I thought to myself. No way, no how.
And yet, less than two years later I have everything to thank for my yoga practice. I sat down to write about a woman in one of my classes who reminded me that I am so lucky to have yoga, let alone have a life that allows my yoga to be invigorating, challenging, and stimulating. This woman has 5 kids and needs no more stimulation. How lucky am I that I get to add stimulation to my life and have to seek it out?! .. just as I pulled up the website I got a phone call from my doctor.
When I was 13 I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. Its a condition that usually aflicts adults and is very very rare to show up on anyone so young. By the time I was 18, I was on a dose of medicine equal to my mother’s (who was only diagnosed 7 years prior to me but is much older- obviously). For a time in college, I even surpassed my mother’s dosage. I have so many memories of being in complete anguish that my little body would be on medication for the rest of my life and it only seemed like it would get worse. The doctor called to say that my dosage needs to be decreased. I remember having my dosage decreased when I was in college but figured that it would either just stay at this level or increase over the years. This came as a complete shock. My body is producing enough Thyroid Hormone on its own that its no longer relying so much on the medication!
Humbled and in awe, I cried.
Less than two years after I thought my teacher was crazy for admiting that yoga changed her life, I am humbled to see how yoga is changing mine.. and this is only one example. There are plenty plenty more, but I’m just happy to sit with this one right now and bow down to the great Universe and all of its pleasant surprises.
A second chance at a new year.
June 28, 2010 at 1:16 pm | Posted in Austin, TSBVI, YMCA, Yoga | Leave a commentShocked, in awe, and slightly dumbfounded. I sat for several minutes after getting off the phone with my apartment complex in complete disbelief. In a simple 3 minute phone call, I had apparently made the decision that had been weighing on my mind/soul/life for the past 7 months (and really, for the past couple years). I made the decision to NOT move home. I had apparently decided to stay in Austin-for good. No more “I might move home” talk, no more getting emotionally attached to people at home and telling myself that I’d be moving back soon. No more. Admittedly, I was saddened at first. A few tears rolled down my cheek as it became a reality. No more physically being here while emotionally yearning to be home, I AM home now. I’m NOT moving and I’m NOT going to do this to myself again next year.
For the first half of 2010, I didn’t get really engaged in my own life here. Whenever people spoke of “next year” (in my world, a year is a school year), I always thought to myself “I’m not going to be here next year, but I can’t tell you that.” I had to continually go along with the flow, not telling anyone at work what I was thinking… all the while, preparing mentally, emotionally, monetarily, and etc. to uproot my life once again. It seemed like all of my decisions were based on this idea. I didn’t write my name in my new UV Protector Umbrella that we all got at work, in preparation to leave. I even dated someone that I knew was ill-suited for me because I didn’t want to “meet someone awesome and be stuck here”. My life was on hold, for the entire first half of the year.
And then, it somehow wasn’t. Around the middle of June I realized that I wouldn’t be moving home. I had done all that I could do, and I had left the decision up to the Universe. The Universe pointed so many signs in my face saying “not gunna happen lady, you’re work in Austin isn’t finished yet.” And I whole-heartedly believe that the Universe has its plan for me. I am part of something far bigger than myself. Immediately, I began to get involved with things that I care about. I wanted to grow and learn and expand my horizons in ways that I had been holding in all year.
As the Summer Solstice was upon us, I created a new vision board for the rest of the year. Usually I create a vision board for the year in late december/early january. This year, for the first time ever, I created another one. I felt the need for a 2nd chance at a “new year” and boy am I creating it! Even just looking at the differences in the vision boards, the one created in January is white with bland pictures.. the one created in june is yellow with hand drawn designs in the background, lots of vibrant uplifting colors, and lots of room for hope and growth.
I look at these vision boards often and re-center myself with my goals for the year.
Summer solstice was my own holiday this year. My ex-fiance’s family believes that whatever you do on New Years Day is what you’ll be doing the whole year. I took this concept and created my own amazing New- New Year’s Day (aka) Summer Solstice Celebration. First, by going to work (because well, it fell on a Monday)..not that I don’t love love love my job and want to do it for many years to come. Then, I went to two yoga classes and finally, took a yogi communal dip in Barton Springs. It was exhilerating, cleansing, and verrrrryy veerrrryyy frigid. But none-the-less, a great way to start the summer and the 2nd half of this year!
As I sit here now, a couple weeks later, I sit in awe of the wonderful manifestations that have already come. My world is changing and growing right now. I look forward to seeing where all of these wonderful manifestations are going to lead me, and you, as we explore them together through yoga.
AAAaaaaUUUUUuuuuuuMMMmmMMmm
Namaste.
90′s week!
June 16, 2010 at 5:46 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 CommentQuick reminders!
Wednesday classes at TSBVI will be suspended for the summer. BUT, you can come to the Donation Classes at Yoga Yoga South on Sundays from 2p-3:15p!
I am back from the short vacation and will be teaching at the YMCA tomorrow night!
This week its all about the 90′s and gettin’ our groove on! If you’re going to be at the YMCA or at the Yoga Yoga Donation Class, come with a big smile (and possibly some big hair!). See you guys there!
Donation classes at Yoga Yoga start tomorrow!
June 12, 2010 at 7:48 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a commentTomorrow I will be teaching at Yoga Yoga’s South location from 2-3:15pm. Will you be there? You don’t have to be a member of Yoga Yoga to attend and can bring anyone 13 and older. The classes benefit the Yoga Care Foundation and are by donation only. You can give as much or as little as you would like.
With access to a music sound system and tons of props, the opportunities are endless!
Directions to Yoga Yoga South
Hope to see all of you there!
Spinal Vertebrae
June 8, 2010 at 11:06 am | Posted in Austin | Leave a commentThe spine is the basis and one of the most important aspects of yoga asanas (postures). It is at the very center of how yoga teachers classify and squence the postures that you practice in class. Yet, not that many practicioners know enough about their spine to really understand why teachers tell you all of those tiny actions to do. This article will give you a little bit more understanding of your spine and will drive home one of the key points that I always drive home: Engaging your belly when you twist.
Spine Anatomy:
Your spine is divided into 4 main sections. From the head down you have 7 Cervical Vertebrae, 12 Thorasic Vertebrae, 5 Lumbar Vertbebrae, and your Pelvis/Sacrum.
{Will have picture up here when I am not using my parents’ oollllldddd computer.)
The first 1/2 of your Cervical Spine is designed to turn/twist easily (thinking, turning your head). The second 1/2 of the Cervical Spine is also designed to twist, though not as easily. The vertebrae in your Thorasic Spine are designed to twist (think Jatara Parvritti). HOWEVER, the vertebrae in the Lumbar Spine are NOT. They are designed to move in a lateral motion (think Utthita Trikonasana).
The Lumbar Spine is the easiest to move and often takes most of our twisting action in twisting poses. However, it is also more likely to overstretch the ligaments in your pelvis/sacroliliac joint by overtwisting.
So What’s A Yogi To Do?
ENGAGE THAT BELLY! Using antagonist (the opposite) muscles stablizes the area you are working with. Thus, if you engage your belly, your low back stays in place and this allows the twist to happen in the Thorasic Spine (where you want it!). You won’t be able to twist as deep as you had been, but you and your low back will be much more safe, allowing you to continue your active lifestyle for years and years to come.
Sites to check out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vertebral_column
P.S. Changes in the Schedule. Check ‘em out!
Kassy
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